Christmas

I don’t know about you, but for me the spirit of the festive season has always been a ‘moral booster’. A time not only to celebrate the Birth and Ultimate Gift we received in Jesus Christ, but also a time of joys and jingles,sharing and laughter.

Following this year, it has been hard to retain any form of spirit, let alone joy, coming into the season. Circumstances has made me a mortal human, one with insecurities, with grudges and sometimes even a bit of fear. Which, in itself, has its own set of ammunition. GUILT. For not being better at my life. For not surrendering everything to the One I am supposed to celebrate. For not excelling at the things the world is bombarding me with-motherhood, wifehood, LIFEhood.

I have spent the day in the company of family. With a resounding cry my soul longs for simpler times, when I wasn’t aware that people could complain over the amounts of gifts they have received because it won’t fit into their car with their luggage. That people could replay old memories in their minds and trap themselves and the ones around them in an endless pit of despair. That people could think it is okay to dismiss the feelings and needs of the ones that are closest to them.

I am tired. I am alone with my thoughts about I-wish and has-beens. I am drained. I don’t like to feel like this… and all I know is that “But For”…

BUT FOR the Grace of God my whole life could have been so different. BUT FOR the Grace of God I am alive. BUT FOR the Grace of God there is hope for tomorrow. I KNOW where I need to go. I get mad at myself for NOT going. I know that it is so easy to make up excuses… I know I need to take the steps…

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I, will give you REST.” Matt 11:28

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